Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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