"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
