Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
