My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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