I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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