you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
