You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
