i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
