I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
