I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
