i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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