last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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