i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
