Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
