I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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