It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
