i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
