I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
