i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I need water and some morals
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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