What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
