Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
