just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
