If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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