I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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