So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
