I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
