we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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