I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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