Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
