The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
