3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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