Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
