Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
