smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
did i just pee glitter
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
