"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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