Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
