I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
