dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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