Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just invented taco cereal.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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