we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
