i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
