totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
