I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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