All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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