just survived the first fart of the relationship.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
