Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
When are your genitals available?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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