based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
