his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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