i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So vagazzling was a success
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
