dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
smell my finger.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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