He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
