So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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