she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
